The Trouble With Thinking Like A Woman

 I don't think any woman has penis envy. At least none that I know of anyway. What I think we envy is the penis switch, by that I mean that part in a man's brain that can just flip off feelings and emotion. They may be hurt, sad and depressed but they can just put a pin in it and carry the hell on and usually have a good time doing it. At least for a little while and they're also great at doing busy work to fill the space and the hollow. A woman on the other hand is writhing on the floor in pain and watching the minutes go by like hours and driving loops right around the bend. None of this seems like justice to me at all. The singer Pink is somewhat of a role model to me and I think more women should aspire to be like her. Like that part in her song when she sings " I'll dress nice/ I'll look good/ I'll get drunk/ I'll take somebody home". Well fuck yeah why not? A dear friend of mine told me her friends motto which is "the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one". Woman don't do that, they cry and beg and have no self respect for themselves. Not that sleeping with a bunch of random strangers has anything to do with self respect but still, you get what I'm saying. Women also don't shower for days, change their clothes or comb their hair and apparently it is also a great time to gain 20lbs. I will never ever ever understand that thought process .EVER. If you are heartbroken as far as I'm concerned you should look better than you ever have. My ex used to say I had an uncanny ability to look better every time he saw me when we were broken up. That's right, I sure did. Why go down the tubes over a guy? Really where is the sense in that? What, so you can be single forever? No No No you should have you and your broken heart in the gym at least 5x a week, doing your hair and putting your make up on, besides wearing mascara cuts down on the likelihood you'll start bawling at the worst possible time(s) for fear of ending up looking like a psychotic clown. What's the best part about a break up?....That's right the heartbreak diet! Use it, let it work for you, none of this letting yourself go. He may appear to be having a better time but you'll look better and in the long run that will help you feel better and that's what matters. Hold your head high, stick your boobs out  bat those eyelashes and handle it. Before you know it guys that work in the liquor store will be taking posters that you want off the wall for you and other guys will be helping you get things off the high shelves at the grocery store and so on and so on until that hottie with the fohawk and tattoos asks you for your number.