Lay It Down

This is not a religious post, just bear with me for a paragraph. "Romans 7" makes mention on 'the body of death' a supposed form of corporal punishment in ancient Rome that entailed literally chaining the body of the murder victim, face to face with the murderer. Obviously this was a death sentence, probably a fairly quick one but every second would've been horrifying and tortuous.
  Okay. That's disgusting I know but that's what I wanna talk about. No, not dead bodies and chains, about laying down things that are no good for us to carry with us. They can be a number of different things, pain, loss, sadness, regrets, hurt feelings and on and on but the one thing they all have in common is they will all weigh us down and are not meant to be chained to us.
In my own experiences the rotting things I tend to carry are usually over being hurt or betrayed. I can't let it go, I think about it constantly, analyze it then think about it some more, in my rational mind I know all I'm doing is giving it power, I am feeding the monster and letting it take over everything. All that behavior has ever done for me is cause more pain and grief and what I do to myself by handing over my life and thought process and allowing myself to be turned inside out is 9 times out of 10 worse then the actual trigger of it all.
  The solution is very simple in theory, whatever has happened is done, it cannot be undone no matter what you do to yourself or someone else none of us can go back in time. So the choice is to either beat the hell out of yourself or look the monster in the eye and beat him back. That's almost condescending when it's put that simply. It's like 'wow, that's so easy. Why didn't I think of that?' Because it's fucking hard and easier said than done, that's why! The only way I am ever able to "lay it down" is to go thru every single uncomfortable, miserable emotion connected to it. Analyzing and constantly thinking about them is far different than actually feeling the fuckers. I don't wanna do that, that's not a good time but either is compromising yourself over things that are not in your control. I think we're all painfully aware that the only way to get over something is to go thru it, and that sucks, but I heard somewhere that you can't reach for anything new when your hands are full of yesterdays junk.
We all want to move forward in life, I certainly do anyway. In my life, in my relationship and in the goals I set for myself and I'm slowly realizing that the more energy I give to the past the less energy I have for my future and I have a lot of work to do. I'm seeing now for the first time that being patient is better for what you truly want then instant gratification because nothing that is better instantly is ever really fixed. I'm understanding that compromise is not a weakness, it is a strength and it can happen without screaming, clawing and hissing. The hardest lesson I'm learning is that for no good reason you have to let go and free fall into trust because not trusting someone or something is so damaging to yourself and the situation. Not only will it drive you crazy you could potentially end up with carpel tunnel syndrome from gripping so tight but more than anything else you could almost will your negative thoughts into fruition. The one thing that is for sure about trusting nothing and no one and that includes yourself is that you will build walls, and a heart and a life hid behind walls is lonely.
  I'm finally ready to learn and with that has come clarity and I see for the first time ever that the only thing I and probably all of us should carry with us from the past other than memories are the lessons. Carrying the resentment, pain and self pity will only weigh us down and cause us more pain and grief and I for one am finally ready and willing to lay it down